The Dichotomy of Too Much and Not Enough

The Dichotomy of Too Much and Not Enough

The way we do food is the way we do everything. ~ Geneen Roth

This is on one of those quotes that burned into my mind the moment I heard (read?) it. Something in my soul said: YES! while other parts of me simply didn’t understand.

So, as I began to unravel my relationship with food to it’s core, I kept the quote tucked away in the back of my mind. I started noticing the primary pattern in my relationship with food:

restrict (by way of dieting) and then binge (by way of ice cream, cheeseburgers, pizza, and nutella and bread).

I was a real life example of what it meant to be a yo-yo dieter.

I would diligently count my points (calories, carbs, or fat grams) while my hungry stomach begged for more. I’d make bargains with myself like eating salad for lunch so I could “go all out” at dinner (and dessert). I’d do whatever it took to manipulate the system so that not enough would suffice.

And then, something inside me would ignite like a bon fire and I’d go balls to the wall on whatever was on the off limits list at the time. I’d have this opening ceremony type binge where I’d eat all of the things I’d felt were missing for however long they’d been missing – sometimes months, sometimes weeks, sometimes days, sometimes hours – and I’d eat until my body could not hold another bite. And then the going “hog wild” would continue until my waistline cried uncle.

It was a tragic attempt at balancing the not enough with the too much.

Eventually, I found peace in my relationship with food. And so, as any good self-development junkie would, I began to tiptoe into my relationship with money and clutter.

I started to notice the exact same patterns.

I’d be all penny pinching, strict with my budget, and reminding myself that I couldn’t spend one more dime.

But then, the clearance aisle at Target would be all cute and my best laid plans would go to hell in a hand-basket.

I’d write an unrealistic food budget and stick to it for about four seconds while grocery shopping, only to rebel by buying the most expensive version of everything.

The way we do food is the way we do everything. ~ Geneen Roth

The quote began to crystallize. I started to “get it” in a way I hadn’t before.

Restrict. Binge. Budget. Overspend.

More recently, I’ve been spending vast amounts of time digging deeper into my heart. I’ve been asking myself the hard questions like: what do I really desire? What would feel delicious to my soul right now? What feels in alignment for me?

The answers I’ve been getting back have been a bit hard for my mind to wrap around. My truth has been laid before me and my heart knows that it is time to step into something greater. I’ve been running into an undeniable resistance – the kind that feels paralyzing.

I’ve found that this simple little quote goes even deeper than the things we do and say.

Those things have the ability to reveal what is deeply hidden in the cracks and crevices of our soul.

For most of my life, I’ve believed (and have been told repeatedly) that I am both not enough and too much, all at the same time.

I’ll never amount to anything.

There is something wrong with me.

I’m not good enough.

I’m worthless.

I shouldn’t have said that. I am too bold.

I’m too sassy for my own good.

I really am too big for my britches.

I better dial it down so X will like me.

I can’t do that. Who do I think I am?

I see now.

Restrict. Binge. Budget. Overspend. Not enough. Too much.

Those patterns with food were just symbols for my what heart longed for me to know:

I am neither too much or not enough.

I am a foul mouthed yogi.

I am no bullshit about the importance of the woo.

I am loud and funny and extroverted while requiring vast amounts of time alone with my thoughts, feelings, myself.

I am direct and honest and to the point while having an empathic, compassionate heart.

My office looks like a rainbow threw up in it while my closet looks like someone died.

I am all of those things.

I am exactly the right amount of me.

Perfect in all of my messy, contradicting, beautiful imperfection.

Oh, and p.s.

So are you.

If you are ready to explore the dichotomy of you and how your heart speaks through your relationship with food, I’d love to support you. Learn more about working with me here.