When you are working towards something your goals, inevitably, you will face some obstacles along the way. And you might be wondering how to deal with them. Here is a question I got from a reader that you might be able to relate to:
I recently decided that I wanted to start looking for a new job in a different field. What I am doing now just isn’t very satisfying to me on any level and I am really ready for a change. The moment I decided this, I was called into my boss’s office and told that I am getting a raise. It feels like the Universe is testing me or like some sort of sign that I am not supposed to pursue something different. It seems like this happens almost every time I want to start something new and it really discourages me. Am I just destined to not make any changes in my life?
Answer: When I was in the process of divorcing from my first husband, I met a man named Tom.
In the beginning, things with Tom were HOT. You know, that can’t keep your hands off each other, just want to have sex ALL THE TIME, kind of hot. It was the most passionate relationship I had ever been in.
But, as the roots of the word passion suggest, the heat burned out pretty quickly and parlayed into the most suffering I have ever felt in a relationship. We eventually broke up because he moved back to his home state and I pined for him for a long ass time. Way longer than I like to admit. I had fantasies about our reunion wrote him letters comparing him to Mr. Big.
It was wearing me out and I compared all men to him.
Then, one summer, I went camping for about a week. I spent lots of time alone in the woods and felt like I reconnected with myself in a way that I had lost in my obsession with Tom.
On that trip, I decided that I was done, that I wanted more for my life than to pine away for some guy who could give two shits about me. I wanted someone who genuinely cared about me and my needs.A few days later, I met Mike, who is now my husband.
Which sounds pretty awesome, right? Set an intention and then, boom, it arrives.
Well, not so fast.
A couple of months into my relationship with Mike, I got a random email from Tom. Like, really random. He forwarded me some article that had absolutely nothing to do with me or our previous relationship. I was curious so I replied. About a week long conversation ensued in which Tom explained to me that he was moving back to Virginia and wanted to get back together.
I felt so torn. And like the Universe was testing me.
Maybe I wasn’t “supposed to” be with Mike after all. Maybe Tom WAS my Mr. Big.
But, when I really sat with my emotions, I knew that Mike was the man I was to marry. I knew that Tom was bad news. I knew that Maya Angelou was right: When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Mike and I just had our eight year wedding anniversary and are planning a trip to Paris in a couple of years (a lifelong dream). Our marriage isn’t perfect, of course, but when it comes down to it, this marriage is perfect for me and my evolution. This is what I wanted and I am glad I didn’t pursue things with Tom again.
So, if you are wondering if the Universe is testing you, or if you are facing obstacles in the way of your goals, I want you to know this:
One of the things that happens when we commit to an intention is that all the places need healing, related to that commitment, start to show up. In my case, with Mike and Tom, this played out in the form of self doubt, my lack of self trust, and some core beliefs that I wasn’t “meant” to have a healthy relationship. I had absolutely ZERO evidence to prove otherwise and when Tom showed up again, all of that history with men was subconsciously at play.
And through actively choosing to move forward with what I actually wanted, I’ve healed so many of those old wounds around romantic love and relationships.
So, no, my friend. This isn’t the Universe testing you or “making sure” you really want what you say you want. Instead, it is an opportunity to clearly see where you are at choice and, then make the choice that is aligned with where you really want to go. And when you move forward with what is truly in alignment for you, healing happens.
Ask yourself if staying in that job is in alignment with where you want to go in your career? Feel into it. Trust how it FEELS. If you get a yes, take the raise and celebrate. And if you get a no, take the raise and keep pursuing what you really want.
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