In 2021, I was invited to an event for the Holidays and it ended in a beautiful disaster.
As a Projector type, I thrive on invitations.
And, at the time, I knew that recognition must proceed with the invitation and the deeper why behind that. And that a verbal invitation isn’t always a true invitation. When I’m highly attuned to the energy, I can sense an invitation no matter what is or isn’t said.
But that Holiday invitation helped me see, and integrate, all of that on an even deeper level. So much so, that it inspired a radical Projector experiment. If you are a projector type, it might be worth considering for you, too.
To be clear, I don’t believe the entirety of our Human Design experiment needs to be radical.
For the most part, I think tiny, incremental changes in willingness, capacity, and behavior are the way to go. That is what I teach my Human Design Map customers to do.
But sometimes, Fierce Grace will only allow for radical.
And, I don’t mean radical in the way that some HD fundamentalists talk about it. They might say that radical is for the projector to never speak unless spoken to. Or to not even say hello to others without permission. Or to never make eye contact with others. (WTAF?!?!)
But I mean radical in the opposite direction.
See, one of the organizers of that Holiday event informed me that they wanted the event to be peaceful. They said that for them to feel peace, I would need to “just sit there and keep my mouth shut.”
And the fury of a thousand hells arose inside of me.
My spleen yelled FUCK NO.
Because here is the thing:
I am fucking done with people-pleasing. I am not available to tend to your discomfort with the truth. I will not pretend to be the good girl.
On every level of my being, I was done then. And its even more true now.
I am a channel for Fierce Grace.
And that experience showed me that a close relationship with me REQUIRES recognition and invitation.
Which, might sound obvious. But it is a subtle change that this experience delivered with brilliant clarity.
Recognition and invitation are FOR ME, the Projector.
The invitation is not for other people’s comfort.
It is not to “make sure” that other people are ready for the things that I can see.
It is FOR ME and my success. I’m the one who decides.
I’m giving myself an open invitation.
If you want some of my parts but not others, FUCK NO.
If you expect me to just keep my mouth shut when you are disempowering yourself, FUCK NO.
If you think I should soften my words, be polite, or wrap the truth in bubble wrap, FUCK NO.
If you think the medicine is too strong and bitter, get out of the Pharmacy.
I’ve come far enough in my experiment to know what recognition and invitation actually feel like. I no longer wonder if it is there. I no longer need to wait and see. It is drilled into my bones.
I have far too many people in my life who want my FULL expression, the fire hose, the sharp knife of truth, to settle for people who want me to sit there and shut up.
My level of self-acceptance and self-recognition is so fucking deep that anything less than that is a FUCK NO.
You get the full experience or nothing at all.
You’re welcome.