As a Master Energy Healer who is deeply committed to doing my own work, I’ve been around the block when it comes to healing emotional and spiritual wounds. I once had a therapist tell me that people with stories like mine jump off of bridges, an astrologer tell me that she’d need a stiff drink before reading my chart, and I often joke that I should be dead or in jail.
My life is so different than it once was that I sometimes forget that it all happened in a single lifetime.
Once I decided it was time to make some real changes in my life, I sought out all sorts of help.
Books. Therapy. Courses. Classes. Coaching. Journaling. Energy Healing. Yoga. Meditation. Art.
You name it, I’ve tried it. Some of it is more effective than others.
Back in 2009, I was working with a business coach who was fiercely devoted to helping her clients tap into their innate power. We had been working together for a while when I went through a very painful and traumatic event.
I don’t want to get into the details of what happened, but when I look back at that time now, I can see what a major turning point it was for me.
It felt like it destroyed me on the inside and it was starting to affect my business in “negative ways.”
I brought it up to my coach a number of times and eventually, being the wise woman that she is, told me that coaching, in particular, “thought-based” coaching, wouldn’t help. Because this event was pointing out a repeated energetic pattern in my life, she thought that some energy healing would be more effective.
She had recently begun working with an energy healer herself and referred me to the woman she’d been working with.
I decided to go but I was REALLY resistant at first.
I went to see her and, honestly, it didn’t really do much for me. I didn’t really understand it and, quite frankly, I was being a bit rebellious.
But, it did lead me to move forward with getting some reiki. What is kind of weird is that despite being a very practical and down to earth kind of girl, I had always had this inclination that I would become a Reiki Master and this seemed to be pointing me in that direction.
So, I found myself a local Reiki Master and went through all of the required training and did, in fact, become a Reiki master.
And, honestly, I loved it. It lead me to some amazing experiences that I will always treasure but, still, something was missing.
I started feeling the pull to revisit the original woman that my coach had referred me to. My rebellion had melted away a bit and I was feeling very open to giving it another shot.
In a bit of magical synchrony, I ended up spending over two years in study with her and learned a different form of energy work.
What I wasn’t expecting, though, was that I ended up in an even deeper pit of emotional despair.
Now, let me be clear, the pit of despair was not caused by my energy work teacher.
Like I said before, the “woo-woo” stuff was really new to me and I wasn’t prepared for the power of committing to very deep intentions of healing.
I didn’t really know what I was getting myself into and I did way more energy work on myself in two years than most people, even the “woo woo” ones, will ever do in a lifetime. I didn’t know that intention is MAGIC and that it was an ACTIVE process, not a passive one.
Deeply painful events began to transpire and while I knew on the surface that this could be considered normal, it was devastating to me. I looked around my life and hated pretty much everything I saw.
I didn’t understand why things were getting worse when I had set out to heal.
Thankfully, I’ve come out the other side of this Heroine’s journey and I gathered some wisdom about healing and I want to share that with you.
First and foremost, healing emotional and spiritual wounds can be quite messy.
But, more importantly, I learned that healing doesn’t mean what we think it means, especially not in terms of emotional and spiritual healing.
We often think that healing means being “done with” any given issue but that isn’t what true healing is AT ALL.
For example, let’s say that you struggle with self-doubt. You might set out to “heal” that self-doubt and, therefore, expect that you will magically feel confident.
But, in reality, you might start to experience even more self-doubt, at least at first.
The reason is that when we set an intention to heal, all of “our shit” starts to rise up. The things that are in the way of our true desires begin to manifest. Our shadows come out in full force.
This doesn’t mean something has gone wrong.
It means that you are being invited into a new level of consciousness, a new level of acceptance, and a new level of shadow integration.
This is how transformation and alchemy actually work.
These things are an invitation to see yourself with so much CLARITY that you cannot deny your Truth for a moment longer.
It’s kind of like toothpaste splashes on the bathroom mirror.
When your mirror is covered in them, you see a distorted version of yourself. You don’t see the true essence of yourself. You only see yourself through little white speckles. The view isn’t as sharp. The colors aren’t as vivid and the details are hard to see. The connection is fuzzy.
Healing is like cleaning the toothpaste splashes off of the bathroom mirror.
You wipe away the layers of fear, tribal shame, and guilt.
When the mirror is clean, your reflection is crystal clear. You see yourself in all of your loveliness. And you begin to make CONSCIOUS choices that are in integrity for you. It becomes too painful not to.
But, this doesn’t mean that there will never again be splatters on the mirror.
Life has a glorious way of taking up deeper and deeper into newer levels of healing with each passing day. Just like the toothpaste splatters show up as soon as you brush your teeth again.
Healing, instead of wiping away the pain of life, is the ability to remember that you can clean the mirror at any time.
So, when you are doing your work of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and radical self-awareness, remember that healing isn’t a magic pill. It is permission to step back from whatever chaos is happening and see the soul of Who You Are.