On the path to reclaiming our wholeness, things can start to feel messy when we encounter others who want (or even expect) us to be a certain way.
They ask us to do things we do not want to do.
They say things that hurt, all the way down to our souls.
They tell us what to believe about ourselves, about others, about the Divine, and about Life.
They demand energy from us that we have forgotten how to restore.
We say yes to avoid the guilt.
We believe them or face the consequences.
We get in line or else.
We give and give and give until there is nothing left but a shell of a person; exhausted and weary.
But one day, the straw will break the camels back, and we will feel angry. Perhaps we will even lash out by blaming them or cutting them out of our lives completely.
From there, we can very easily fall into a deeper rabbit hole of guilt and shame, calling ourselves wrong and bad for not adhering to the code set forth by our tribes.
And in some cases, to avoid that guilt and shame, we suck it up. We take it. We pretend that it doesn’t hurt.
It feels like a rock and a hard place.
So, what do you do when you know that sucking it up isn’t working, but the alternative isn’t all that appealing, either?
The first thing to “do” is to take responsibility for what is actually happening for you. And by that, I mean the needs you are attempting to meet by sucking it up and pretending.
We are all just trying to get our needs met. Every single thing we do is an *attempt* to meet a need. And when it feels like we are stuck in between that rock and hard place, it is because we have needs that are conflicting with one another.
In the above example, your needs for love + belonging are likely conflicting with your need for autonomy.
In other words, your definition of what it means to belong and to be loved is interfering with your desire to live in integrity with yourself.
On the outside, that looks like saying yes when you mean no, not setting and honoring your boundaries, being a people pleaser, and believing that you are supposed to dedicate your life to the happiness of others.
On the inside, it feels like anger, resentment, guilt, shame, frustration, annoyance, and irritation.
And, as will all emotions, these feelings are an invitation to understand your needs and figure out how to get them met in effective and sustainable ways. They are also an invitation to heal the blocks that prevent you from being able to do that and an invitation to let go of the criteria you’ve built around your enoughness.
Criteria like:
To be a good mother, I can’t prioritize my needs.
To be a good child, I have to go along with whatever my parents believe and value.
To be a good partner, my job is to make sure they are happy.
To be a good human, I need to sacrifice myself.
All of that criteria is bullshit. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to be loved. Your needs are just as important as anyone else’s.
And the whole concept of enoughness and worthiness are social constructs that you can choose not to adhere to.
So, my invitation to you is this:
When you start to think that other people are draining you, take an honest and compassionate look at what is really going on there.
How are they a mirror for the very places that are ready to be healed?
They are showing you every single time.
But, you have to be willing to look within and discover your next evolution.
Are you willing to do that?