I’ve got a map to all the things you’ve been guessin’
Like the halo you constantly testin’
Trevor Hall, Wander, The Fruitful Darkness
In mid-December of 2021, I wrote an email called Dreams coming true can feel like shit and shared the incredible amount of discomfort I was feeling as I stepped into the reality of a decade-long dream.
In case you are new here or you didn’t read it, the gist of the email is this:
The truth about creating our dreams is that we have to have the nervous system capacity to handle them coming true. And that playing at the edge of our comfort zone is how we expand our capacity for more.
Since then, I’ve worked through the most uncomfortable parts (by being present with them!) and I’ve started to relax into this new way of living.
As my nervous system has calmed down, I’ve started to notice immense feelings of awe, wonder, and gratitude.
Every day, I am looking around my life and I am inspired by what I’ve created. And what I’ve overcome to create it.
My business is thriving and growing more each and every day.
My relationships are supportive, authentic, and loving.
My health is rapidly improving. I have more physical energy than I can remember ever having. (If you know my health history, this in and of itself is a miracle.)
Things aren’t perfect, of course, because life isn’t supposed to be perfect. It is supposed to be a delightful mix of shadow and light.
But, on a daily basis, I feel flowy and like I’m using my energy exactly as it is intended to be used. I am dancing with life and the Divine. I’m trusting myself, my intuition, and my decisions.
I feel alive and embodied.
As I stay present in that experience, I can so clearly see a couple of things.
The first is that for most of my l life, I was chasing the good girl badge of honor by trying to live up to the expectations of the world around me. I was trying to be everything to everyone and thought that sacrificing myself was how you earned the halo.
That part isn’t a new realization of course.
But it is no longer just a cute meme on the internet.
I am living the truth that people-pleasing isn’t the path to success. It literally can’t be.
The path to success for me, especially with my 5/2 profile, is to be self-motivated and call myself into my next iteration.
Love me or hate me. Either way, it has nothing to do with me.
And I don’t need a fucking halo.
The second thing is that my natural way of being is literally everything I need to step into to create success.
And this is where I feel so ever-loving sappy about Human Design.
I had been “doing the work” to heal before I found Human Design. And I had come a long way.
And, to be honest, I deeply believe that when we are doing our healing work and trusting our inner wisdom, we “end up” discovering our HD, even if we never lay eyes on our chart. I don’t think Human Design is “necessary” to live a life of authenticity.
But, I can say that Human Design brought so much FOCUS to my deconditioning journey that it was like adding fuel to a fire.
I had a literal map for refining my life and I stopped wondering if I was doing the “right” things to heal and grow.
And as I put down the halo and followed the map, what I discovered was that my natural way of doing things is how I create success.
I have a metric fuck ton of examples but the biggest one was making peace with being a deep THINKER.
I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been told that I “think too much.” Or that people don’t like me because I “make them think.”
But, trusting my design, I actually started investing a large portion of my time just thinking. Like, literally, staring at the ceiling and watching the wonder that is how my mind works.
As I did that more and worked through the conditioning that told me it was a waste of time, I started to feel more and more like myself. Like I was using my energy correctly and like I was seeing myself clearly for the first time since I was a small child.
And what do you know…the outer recognition started FLOODING in, too.
People started coming in droves to tell me that they LOVE the way that I think. That they wanted to know my thoughts about this or that. That they liked being around me BECAUSE I “make them” think in new and inspiring ways.
My belief that I can create success by being myself is truly stronger than it ever has been.
I know that the day will come where I have to be uncomfortable again to step into whatever the next iteration of success is for me.
But for now, I am enjoying these feelings. I am allowing myself to actually FEEL recognition, success, gratitude, wonder, and awe.
And, oh, how sweet it is.