Recently, I was talking to one of my clients about her boundaries and I asked her why what she really wanted wasn’t good enough. Her answer was a very common one:
Because of what other people will think.
And in my own heart, I knew her struggle. I know what it is like to build the structure of your life around the ideas, opinions, and expectations of others.
And, I also know, it’s a painful way to live.
Curating, trimming, and hiding your true self so that others will love, like, accept, respect, and adore you. Shifting and changing and molding the “unacceptable” bits in an attempt to be safe in the world.
What I also know is twisting yourself into someone you aren’t and trying to live up to others expectations is the main reason you feel not good enough. Hiding your true self is the fastest path to shame because it creates a huge disconnect with who you really are.
See, your feelings are the messengers of your True self.
You came to this human experience so that you could express your spiritual free will and choice. Your autonomy. Your freedom. Your true self. And when you are thinking and behaving in a way that is out of alignment of your full expression and what you really want in life, it hurts.
It feels like depression. And anxiety. And worry. And anger. And resentment. And exhaustion.
Many people believe that those feelings indicate that their worst fears, like not being good enough, are true.
But if it hurts, it’s not your Truth.
You don’t have to live your life according to the parameters set by other people. Even if they are your family. Or your life partner. Or your best friend since kindergarten.
You came here to express yourself. Your full self.
And when you show up as the pretend version of you, the version of you that is polite. And nice. And politically correct. And a good mother. And a good friend. And a good wife. And a good worker bee. You aren’t able to access your intrinsic worthiness. The part of you that craves your full expression. The part of you that trusts yourself. In fact, you cut access to that part of you off.
But under all those layers of shame. And guilt. And worry. And frustration. And down to the bones tired. She is there. She will always will there.
Thank God that you feel not good enough. It’s your loud and clear signal to find her. Are you listening?