No matter whether you are struggling with the size of your body, making peace with money, or focused on creating satisfying relationships, one of the most important things to remember is:
Every action is an attempt to meet a need.
Once you understand the needs that drive your behavior, it becomes easier to break up with habits that aren’t in alignment with what you’re really craving in your life. From there, you can begin to set goals that actually feel soul-level satisfying to achieve.
Once you understand the needs that drive your behavior, it becomes easier to break up with habits that aren't in alignment with what you're really craving in your life.Click To Tweet
Once I connected the dots on this, I set an intention to come into right relationship with my needs. Which like most spiritual practices, is a daily devotion, rather than a quick fix one and done kind of deal. I began by looking at my relationship to food, then my body, and that led me to money, and that led me to my relationship to “doing” instead of being.
I had some holy liberating clarity in the process, like understanding that my disordered relationship with food and my body was really about my needs for belonging, rest, and integrity. And that my relationship with money is so much about my need for safety.
As I started to look at the patterns that were at play with all of these things, I recognized that what kept me “searching” for so long was the need for growth and what I discovered has been a critical part of my journey with self acceptance and wholeness.
In our bodies, we are growing all the time, our cells are constantly “turning over” and we become brand new versions of ourselves over and over again. If a child isn’t growing, their pediatrician is always going to want to know why because growth is inherent in being human.
You literally can’t stop growing.
But we are also wired to grow on the spiritual, mental, and emotional levels, too. As humans, we are intrinsically motivated to seek a “better” life for ourselves. Since the dawn of time, we have constantly invented things to improve our daily experience (stone tools all the way to Siri).
A lack of growths leads us to feel stuck or even trapped by life.
The problems come in when choose intentions and goals based on the thoughts, feelings, needs, and, most importantly, values of other people.
When you choose your goals based on what other people needs and values, it feels like you are spinning our wheels, doing what you are “supposed to do” but never really getting anywhere. Or like we “have everything” and still don’t feel “happy.” They will never make you happy because they aren’t yours!
However, when we choose our goals and intentions based on our own needs and values, we feel satisfied by what we accomplish and we allow ourselves to celebrate what we’ve done rather than immediately beginning a quest for MORE.
So, before you set your next goal, be sure to see if it is actually based on what you need and value or what someone else needs and values.