In a world that is constantly asking us to be “better” than we are, it is a radical act to accept ourselves. But there comes a point in our lives when feeling whole and complete within ourselves becomes more important than fitting in or being who other people expect us to be. We get to a place where we finally get, with every fiber of our being, that self acceptance, rather than trying to “fix” ourselves, is the path to wholeness.
I know this firsthand, because I have been there and done that.
I have done A LOT of self-help. I used to have numerous bookshelves full of books meant to improve my life. And, some of them did, no doubt. But, as anyone who has been down the self-help rabbit hole knows, it is, well, a rabbit hole.
It feels like a hamster wheel of broken not enoughness. It’s like the longer you stay on the wheel, the more broken and less worthy you feel inside. There is this trauma to resolve. That experience to transcend. And this mindset to shift. And that thing that will open the gates to the perfect life. And, and, and.
Finding the “solution” to this problem opens a can of worms onto that problem.
Tiny animal metaphors aside, it’s endless and exhausting.
What I recognized, with the help of Debbie Ford and her book the Dark Side of the Light Chasers, was this:
Each of us possess every existing human quality. There is nothing we can see or conceive that we are not, and the purpose of our journey is to restore ourselves to wholeness. ~ Debbie Ford
Over time, I decided to just get off of the hamster wheel of too much and not enough and instead, show up from Wholeness.
Which means, in the simplest terms, that I make it my daily practice to accept all of myself. I choose to allow myself to be the messy, dichotomous human being that I am.
I bring consciousness, instead of judgment, to my needs, thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. I deliberately look at the parts of myself that I see, or others see, as wrong, or bad, or unevolved, or not spiritual enough, or too woo woo, or whatever, and embrace them. I look for how those qualities benefit me and those who encounter me.
And when the part of me that feels broken inside shows up, I embrace her too, instead of trying to banish her or her fix her with another book or course.
Ultimately, showing up from wholeness means that I value Divine Truth over people pleasing. And it means that I can stop arguing with the way I am and just be who I am.
This is liberating in so many ways.
- It creates more intimacy in relationships – romantic and otherwise – because it leads to authentic conversations and vulnerability.
- It fosters a sense of well-being in everyday life and breeds self care because you stop doubting your deserving all the time.
- It begs us to discover what we really want, instead of what we’ve been taught to want by our culture.
- It transforms negative self talk into compassion by making all your parts valuable, even the “messy” ones.
- It turns our judgment and prejudice into understanding and unity by showing us the mirror image of them in ourselves.
Wholeness transmutes this right now moment, no matter the size of your body or bank account – into enough. And this right now moment is the only place peace resides.